Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
