Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm really busy with my period
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