I'm lost and stupid without you.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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