Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
