Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
