When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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