i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
