i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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