I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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