girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
