and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
