Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Is it because I queefed?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
