Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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