NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
