I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
