I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
