you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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