I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
