I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Pooping to opera.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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