Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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