The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
