I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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