she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
