Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
