Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
