I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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