Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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