This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
