My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
