I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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