dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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