I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
