dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
