it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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