hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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