Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
