You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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