Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
