I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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