Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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