well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
