My brain says no but my pants say off.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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