i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
