i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
