Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
