Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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