I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
