Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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