Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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