My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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