I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
