Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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