Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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