between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
