his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
