Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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