after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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