So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
