I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
