Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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