so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
