So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
