don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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