a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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