I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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